I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
