last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
