The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize