being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
