3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
