she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize