I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
