Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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