I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
