there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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