No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
