Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
