you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
