What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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