everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
