Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
