She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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