there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
