i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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