i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
