I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you had me at cake vodka
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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