I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
