All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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