I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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