if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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