I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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