I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
tell me about the fingering
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