Whod you bang
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
