Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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