I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize