whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize