I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
