how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
