Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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