i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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