I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't put those talents on a resume
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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