If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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