Betty ford says i'm here all night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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