I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
