Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
