New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Four minutes until I can fart!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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