I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
