I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
