There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
