I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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