im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
