i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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