3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
