Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
