I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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