i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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