i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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