Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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