Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
