Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
