Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
