i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
