so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
