do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
