Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
