Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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