theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
