you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
