yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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