I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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