Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
