I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
