she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
