i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize