Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Welp...herpes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
