Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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