Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
