life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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