I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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