My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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