If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sober January is a disaster.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
