I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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