Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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