her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Say something about gay babies.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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