don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
