How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
