Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
