nut hugger
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize