Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
