Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
