so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
