the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
