We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize