Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
