4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
