Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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