90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
