Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize