Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
