Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
