i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
