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I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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