and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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