i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
