Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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