I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
