See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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